Looking inward to look ahead
Small groups in medical school can be classified into two: those that taste like that watery cup of machine-dispensed hot chocolate or those that come pretty close to the tropical goodness of your mother’s golden brown fried plantains. My “On Doctoring” group thankfully was of the latter classification. As seven classmates and I learned the basics of doctoring over the first two years in school, we also shared some amazing personal moments. Our check-in (read feelings) sessions were some of the highlights of our time together. We would go round the room and talk about what was going on in our lives (read complain about school) and once in a while, our facilitator would ask one of us, “So how does that feel in your body?”
Medical school has given me lots of feelings, some of them good, others not so much. I have been pushed to my limit and questioned why I was even on this journey. I often wondered whether this path would ever start to feel right. I have navigated small groups, assignments, pathology labs, quizzes, volunteer experiences with these questions looming, unanswered. I’ve done this in part because there is no time to find answers and in part, because I am afraid of what those answers would mean were I to find them. And from talking to classmates and friends on this journey, it seems I am not alone. The road we are on is a long one, and to keep going, we must fix our eyes on the finish line ahead. Looking anywhere else, especially inward, often seems like it might distract or slow us down.
My facilitator’s question was a call to reframe our thinking. It urged that looking inward was a fundamental part of looking ahead. To get to the finish line whole, we must acknowledge the process we are on, with all the messiness and uncertainty it yields.
This book project is a call to do that. I want the end result to encourage medical trainees all over the world to ask themselves how this process of becoming feels and by sharing those reflections, break the isolating walls the rigors of our path have built around us. I want the story from a student in London to resonate so deeply with another student’s experience in Lagos that she knows that she is truly not alone. Or a reflection from a resident in Chennai to lift someone up in Istanbul, so much so that he becomes the best version of himself even on this process. Collectively, I want the stories to speak to the reality that although it often seems like our lives are on hold, we are living and evolving on this road.
So I urge you to dig deep into yourselves, acknowledge your process and reflect about what this journey has meant or means to you. There is really no restriction on content or style and no obligation to have a “moral lesson” or some neat conclusion to your reflection. I’m just hoping for real, powerful reflections that tell about all or some part of your journey through medicine.
I look forward to reading about your process.
Best,
Tolu
